The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Randomize
