the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
