After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
