if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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