I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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