What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
