My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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