I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
