Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
