I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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