glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
