My friends, they love my intelligence
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
