Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
