My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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