There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
