Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
