Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
