yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
