Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
