Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
