i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
