This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
