bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
