you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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