i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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