i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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