Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize