just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
