Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
