speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
