i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Send help, water and tortillas.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
