everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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