So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
