Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
