worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
