Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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