Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
3 2 1 whiskey
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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