11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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