and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
