Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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