I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
