I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
