Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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