you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
