He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
