Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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