That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
