woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
