Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize