I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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