Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
