He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
