So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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