By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
