why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
