alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
