can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
