ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
