Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
