Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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