my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
