You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
