I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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