is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
