when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
