Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
