that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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