I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
