1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize