"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
