I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
