remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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